It's getting really obvious, now.
We have friends who are done having kids already. No more. And so they're moving on to the next phase of their lives, as parents.
They're buying the family homes, planning the family vacations. Getting the new careers that are family friendly. Buying the suitable family cars, getting the appropriately located family cottage.
And we're still stuck on pause. We can't move forward. With anything.
We can't remodel the spare room, because that room will be the nursery. But I can't turn it into a nursery yet either because hey - no baby. So it sits with its tired, leftover furniture, the closets filled with random odds and ends, because it as of yet has no purpose.
We can't book that dream vacation for next summer because who knows - we might be pregnant.
We still look for things to do Friday and Saturday nights, even though none of our friends are available anymore because they all have families.
We're stuck in this messed-up 30something limbo, wanting to badly to move forward to the next phase and just simply not being able to.
And it sucks.
7 comments:
You are so, so right. I waver back and forth on maybe we shouldn't do this or that because what if we're pregnant then... Wrote my whole comment, realized it didn't make sense, now I'm editing. For example, should we go away now because we won't be able to go on vacation next year because we're pregnant? But maybe we should save the money because what if we're pregnant. I come down on the side of planning and doing things, pregnancy (or the lack therof, in my life) notwithstanding. I'll just have to walk the hills of Ireland with a big belly.
We went through 10 or so years of that. Hang in there and try to enjoy some parts of your life that don't include IF.
I know that game too well. The limbo game where you don't know what to do because of what you're waiting for just MIGHT come. And it does suck. Hang in there and good luck.
That's why my policy is just don't pause. I simply refuse to entertain the what ifs (as much as possible-- it's a tough task) and try to do what I need to do to be happy.
Seriously. Remodel. Go on a trip. Change your career. Hike the Andes. Whatever will add some joy to your life. If you wind up pg and you've got plans, you'll figure it out.
We ended up just not pausing - it's too heart-breaking. We just got on with things and hoped that if a baby did arrive it would be at a "convienint" time.
We eventually got there, and to be honest, the only thing my wife has missed out on was a work trip to a theme park.
The Broken Man
I always figured that with all the money we were spending on the IF treatments, the loss of a vacation downpayment would be just fine. In fact, if I booked a vacation, I hoped that would make it work this time. It didn't, but we took great vacations; I built a wonderful infertility wardrobe (after two years of not buying clothes because I was sure I'd be pregnant). Our dream arrived finally and I'm glad we finally took ourselves off pause. As we consider trying again, I'm not worrying about the once a year family vacation in August. If we're doing a cycle, we'll figure it out then.
Are you still there?...I miss your posts. Hope all is well.
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